Saturday, January 24, 2009
Today i met nicole for arcade..lunch..shopping and slacking. I bought a white dress! =D abit thin tho..but ok i can wear a shirt inside. Finally went out after like dunoe how many days slacking at home doing nothing except for surfing the net. Actually was feeling pretty good and stuff then reality seem to struck me. Ok..i am going home. What am i going to do next? yes..study for my FTT.. then? suddenly feel that my life is getting on monotonously...no meaning. then i rembed the random internet search that i made on the SPF webbie. I feel like taking up Volunteer Special Constabulary.. Being a police officer is like one of the career path i may take up i really want to try what it is like..to do something meaningful. Anw it won't take up alot of time cause the min. is 16 hours of duty every month. I don't mind the low pay..(there is reason why it is volunteered) if i am doing something i like i feel CORRECT..but i really no confident. My shoulder injury..will i be able to survive the 9months of basic training?will i excerbate the problem on my shoulder? will they even want me if they know that i may not be 100% fit? other than that...i have no confidence of convincing my dad that i want to try enrolling that.. He has no objection of me wanting to become an officer in the future..but now? i really dunno. terribly dunno.confused.angry at myself for me doubtful of myself..angry at myself for the lack of confidence to try. I really don't know what become of me. Ever since the stupid shoulder of mine became injured...it has really robbed off alot of opportunity from me..alot of games.. alot of experience..ALOT OF CONFIDENCE on court and off court. Because i FEAR. not of pain...but fear of worrying my parents again.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won't feel unsure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. As we let our own Light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
-Marianne Williamson
You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.
-Eleanor Roosevelt
Can i really do what they say?
